this is my own personal online diary and a safe place to let out my mind garbage and stuff i like. for when i feel alone or misunderstood...or just want to set my thoughts down somewhere. an organized mess.

about me

a dreamy girl that romanticizes everything a bit too much in order to make living here bearable. i'm a huge believer in doing whatever makes you happy as long as it doesn't hurt anyone. oh, and "slacking off" c: i try to find the beauty in everything. maybe i obsess over it. i also get overwhelmed extremely easily. i'm not sure how i'm going to be an adult, but i don't really wanna think about it. along with finding beauty, it's easy for me to see the ugliness in everything. the ugliness humans have and how we treat each other and our planet is insufferable. from littering to torturing. i hate feeling so anxious around people. i wish i could feel comfortable and comforted by everyone. i wish things were easy. i want everything to be beautiful and for us all to be comfortable on this planet. to be united, even if we aren't familiar with or agree with each other. i'd love for us to be on xanax and heroin all at once, together, listening to "a quick one before the eternal worm devours connecticut" by have a nice life. then, we'd all peacefully go into our eternal rest. no afterlife. the thought of anything lasting forever is terrifying and torturous. my dream will not come true, but we just have to remember that there is beauty in every little thing. we have to open up our minds to it and enjoy it as much as we can. we all create our own point of life, and mine is to have the best possible time you can have here. i may be very hypocritical though. i want all of this goodness, but i don't plan on working as hard as i can to help everyone. i should try to work really hard to make a change in this world. i could become a trillionaire for a second and give all of my money to the people that need it. but no. i'm going to live my life for me. i'm going to indulge in everything. i don't want to be rich. i just want a comfortable and peaceful life with my love. wow. its crazy how life can be taken at the blink of an eye. we make gigantic deals out of everything. we have so many problems with our lives. its so true that in the end, nothing really even matters. i remember the mindset i had when i was going through a really tough breakup. i was going to keep going through my life and spend it as fine as it could be. i lived with this thought in the back of my head: it doesn't matter what i do because i'm going to die soon. that was my comfort. it could be over whenever i wanted.